by Dr. Petra Zebroff, Relationship and Sex Therapist
Having an orgasm through anal stimulation can be a fiesta of pleasure. Not only can blissful sensation come from stimulating the outer anus, which is full of delicious nerve endings, throbbing pleasure can come from deep penetration. The possibilities are endless.
Anatomy & Physiology of Orgasm with Anal Play
The anus is flooded with nerve endings. These nerve endings move through the pudendal nerve, which is the same nerve as serves the clitoris. Touching the anus brings a direct and almost focused sense of pleasure.
The anus has two rings of muscle responsible for controlling digestion. The outer ring is in our conscious control while the inner ring is controlled by our autonomic nervous system, which is not in our control.
As you move further inside the rectum any stimulation will be picked up by the same nerves that respond to stimulation of the inner vagina and cervix – the pelvic nerve. Stimulating this nerve brings deep and throbbing sensation, a feeling that many find extremely arousing.
Setting the scene for Anal Play: Preparation
Anal stimulation can take more preparation than vaginal or clitoral stimulation, simply because of the nature of the anus and rectum and the proximity to fecal material.
Time and Space
Feeling pleasure and reaching orgasm take focus. It is essential that you not be distracted. Clear a time and space that will allow you to relax without being interrupted.
Void and cleanse
The best way to feel comfortable about anal play is to get rid of your concerns of cleanliness. Find a level that is comfortable for you. Start by voiding your bowels. Then give you anus a nice warm wash with soap and water. Insert your finger a few inches inside (without soap), which will allow you to feel if you are completely emptied out.
Some people like to give themselves a full enema. This is what porn performers do before any anal play. While this is unnecessary for most anal play, it all depends on what makes you feel most comfortable. Decide what’s best for you, and do that.
Get sufficiently aroused
Increasing arousal is especially important for anal pleasure. Starting anal play before you are properly aroused can be downright unpleasant, not to mention painful. Make sure you are in touch with your own level of arousal.
Dedication to pleasure
The ability to reach orgasm happens mostly in the mind. It is difficult to reach orgasm if you are feeling pressured to orgasm, guilt or shame about sex. Having an orgasm requires “letting go” into the pleasure. If you are worried about what your mother might think or what a priest said about shame, then an orgasm may be difficult to achieve. You need to give yourself permission to have an orgasm in order to have one.
Getting Started with Anal Play
1. Get into the right head space for anal play
Be in an excited, positive mood. If you are too tired or cranky you will just fall asleep or get frustrated. Be horny. Be in the mindset of wanting your anus and your rectum to be played with.
2. Get lubricated
The anus and rectum do not have an automatic lubricating system like the vagina’s. Using a good quality, thicker lubricant is key to reducing friction and making anal play sensational. Try a simple water-based lubricant that is non-flavored or stimulating, and keep it handy to keep adding as you go. Some people prefer a silkier silicone-based lubricant – these are wonderful too, just be sure not to use them with silicone toys.
3. Get the Right Tools for Anal Play
Start off with your own handy tool. It allows you to explore areas more quickly and naturally than any other toy. Make sure the finger is clean and your nails have been trimmed.
Butt plugs are cute little (or larger) dildos with a base. The base allows you to enjoy your toy without the worry that it will move too far in (or out) and will be easier to remove.
Butt plugs and beads come in all shapes and sizes. The standard butt plug shape starts out with a narrow tip for easy entry, a bulb to give extra sensation, and a narrowing to allow your muscles to wrap around it and hold it in. The base makes sure it doesn’t slip too far inside. Beads have graduated bumps that add to the sensation when inserted or removed.
Pure Plug: Only the best, when it comes to anal play. The Pure Plug is not only beautiful, our sexologist loved this for its shape, handle and smooth feel, along with being easy to clean.
Use an Anal Vibrator
Adding vibrations can be exactly what many women need to get the intensity of sensation for orgasm.
Our sexologist likes: Cinco Vibrating Anal Beads which is the first choice for elegance to add a pleasurable rhythmic vibration. A favourite for both men and women trying anal play for the first time. It’s quality slim, sexy and rippled for added stimulation. The best of both worlds.
Or less luxe, but just as effective, non-vibrating rippled butt plug version of Don Juan Silicone Anal plug
Use a Tongue and Lips (aka Rimming)
The sensation of a tongue or lips touching your anus or perineum (space between the ass and genitals) can be a highly erotic experience. The tongue brings moisture and a sense of taboo that no toy could possibly deliver.
Start your exploration gradually — massage the area, use your hands to open the butt cheeks to have full access to the area. Use your breath to warm the area. Use your soft, warm mouth to move the lips and tongue around the opening (you don’t have to dive right in) stimulate the whole area around the perineum and starfish anal opening. Probe and tease this highly sensitive, erotic area.
Always make sure your anus is washed and clean. E-coli and other bacteria can be transferred with rimming. Use a dental damn for extra protection.
Use a Penis
Anal intercourse can be one of the most stimulating of sexual acts. It is a highly arousing sensation that can lead to intense pleasure for both parties. The warmth and arousal of the penis can add even more excitement.
Get the Motion
The key to anal play is to take it slow. The person receiving anal pleasure should determine the pace as they know when their muscles are properly relaxed. The tissue of the anus and rectum are more delicate than other erotic areas and more susceptible to micro-tears. Don’t forget your lubricant, and don’t rush it.
The outer ring of muscle is under your control and can be relaxed with a conscious thought to ‘let go’ of that muscle. Breathe. Breathing can be your best friend when it comes to relaxing for anal play.
The inner muscle is not under our conscious control. A tip to get this muscle to relax is to “bear down” as if you are encouraging a bowel movement. (No need to worry about feces if you have prepared by voiding before playing).
Step it up
Once those muscles are relaxed and you are properly lubricated, thrusting can be extremely pleasurable. Build up to stronger thrusts or larger objects to increase intensity.
What an anal orgasm feels like
An anal orgasm has been described as taboo, body-shaking and intense. Read women’s descriptions of an anal orgasm.
Orgasms don’t happen by physical stimulation alone. In fact, the majority of the orgasm occurs in the mind. If you are blocked by stress, expectation, negative sexual messages, guilt, fear or boredom, you could be blocking your orgasm potential.
Be open to different types of anal pleasure
You may be accustomed to what an orgasm feels like when it comes from clitoral or vaginal stimulation. Orgasm from anal stimulation might feel quite different. Don’t have preconceived notions about what it is you should experience. Talk to your partner about what you want, and what turns you on.
Toys to reach orgasm through anal play
Many toys are designed precisely for anal pleasure and orgasm. Choose the type that works for you! An Anal Plug is an essential for any erotic treasure chest. Smooth and sleek makes this a tried and true favourite.
Don Juan Anal Plug/Beads: Don Juan Anal Plug is a favourite for men and women trying anal play for the first time. It’s slim, sexy and rippled for added stimulation.
Lubricant: Thicker water-based or silicone gel lubricants offer a bit more cushioning than regular lubes. Generally stick with non-flavoured and non-stimulating to start. Silver Silicone Sliquid thicker lube.
Do’s and Don’ts of Anal Sex
- Do relax and take it slow
- Do use a condom over porous toys
- Do use extra thick lubricant
- Do not move from the anus to the vagina. Anal / rectal bacteria can be moved to the vagina causing some pretty nasty infections
- Do have fun exploring anal play with erotic anal toys