“Everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power.” ~ Oscar Wilde

Playing with power is an underlying theme in many people’s fantasies.  But the image that appears for many people when they think of playing with power as one which includes whips, chains and all of those other things associated with BDSM.  While BDSM can be extremely powerful, playing with power on its own can be a sexual aphrodisiac.

So how can the average couple looking to inject some excitement into a long-term sexual relationship include power-exchange without the whips and chains?

Here are a few tips to get your started:

  1. Start expanding what you think of as sex.  The one thing that keeps couples in a sexual rut is their brain — how they think of sex.  The best sex comes for long-term couples when they continue to explore and expand new ways to have sex.  By default sex becomes more narrowly defined the longer you are in a relationship. This shift can come out of practicalities of time, children, stress, etc,.  Often we are trying to be considerate of our partner, or worry how they might react or what judgement they might have.  After all, sex takes two to function properly, so two people have to “buy into” adopting this open, exploratory viewpoint.
  2. Use your Sexual Brain.
    Exploration does not mean you try a new position.  The brain is the sexiest of organs.  Try bringing in new viewpoints, rather than positions or acts to expand your sexual world. Power play can come in the form of role playing teacher/student, employee/employer, or any roles where there is a power differential.
  3. Inject energy.
    Do things that increase your energy, not that put you to sleep.  While you need to have a certain amount of safety in your sex life, it is the boost of energy that will really restart your sex life.  That usually means doing something that makes your blood start pumping. You don’t have to scare yourself, but doing something that challenges you or takes you just a little bit out of your comfort zone, will do the trick.